“Should the cabin lose air pressure; oxygen masks will drop from the overhead compartment. Make sure to place the mask over your own mouth and nose first before trying to assist the person next to you.” If you have even flown on a plane, I am sure you have heard this message from the flight attendants before takeoff. Even if you’ve had your face glued to your iPhone on every flight you’ve ever taken, it’s hard not to remember this dog and pony show from the front of the plane.
I have noticed in my clinical work that it is natural for most people to want to help others if they can. Many people want to try and help others without realizing the toll it is taking on their own life. Whether trying to help a friend, a family member or significant other many people forgot (or refuse) to put their own oxygen mask on first. They often end up more in need of assistance than the person they intended to help.
Putting your oxygen mask on first may feel a little selfish, but in reality, it’s quite the opposite. Taking the time to care for and protect yourself allows puts you in a better position to be able to help others. Putting on your oxygen mask first can take many forms, such as setting healthy boundaries with family and friends (knowing when to say “yes” and how to say “no”). It can look like taking a sick day to go to your primary care doctor for an annual checkup. It can also mean being more assertive in relationships that at times you find to be draining (be honest…who came to mind for you here?). Sometimes it can be as simple as listening to music you like, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
At Greenline, our goal is to provide people with tools so that they can learn to put their own oxygen mask on first, which will allow them to be in a better position emotionally, physically, and psychologically to help others. It’s not selfish; it actually allows you to be a more productive partner in a relationship because you have intentionally created healthy space for helping others.
If you are struggling with when to say yes to helping others, and how to say “no” to requests for assistance, consider reaching out to one of our clinicians. The sooner you put on your own mask and start breathing in fresh air again, the sooner you can start fulfilling what you see as your calling in helping others in your life.
Saul Salmeron, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Greenline Psychological Services. Saul specializes in working with couples, young adults, spiritual concerns, and cultural difficulties such as integration of multi-racial families, immigration-related challenges, and multi-language families. He can be reached at 657-234-5077 or salmerons@greenlinepsych.com
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